How to Win Friends and Influence People. Who wouldn’t want to know that?? Originally published in 1936, this one is for sure an oldie, but a goodie. A book that many seem to know (and love), and for those that haven’t read it, I’d bet they have at least heard of it. The beautiful thing about this book is that just about anyone can relate to the information inside regardless of your occupation, gender, social status, etc.
Through Dale Carnegie‘s various courses and professional development teachings, he has been improving individual and business performance all over the world. Some of these courses include sales, effective speaking/human relations, and management seminars.
As I was reading this book, I couldn’t help but to think of all of the different scenarios throughout my life where his teachings would have come in handy. In my roles as a salesperson while working retail, to being a student and presenting to my classmates, and even being a good friend and learning how to communicate better.
This book is composed of four parts: fundamental techniques of handling people, six ways to make people like you, how to win people to your way of thinking, and how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. For the sake of the length of this post (and because I don’t want to spoil all of Carnegie’s secrets), I will only be summarizing the first 2 parts of the book in this post.
So let’s get to it, shall we?
Part One: Techniques in Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
- Instead of criticizing and finding wrongdoing in someone else’s behavior, why not praise them instead? The same respect we show for others will be returned back to us tenfold.
- Give honest & sincere appreciation
- I think this is the most flattering type of comment to receive- sincere appreciation. Appreciation that isn’t forced or fake. Arouse enthusiasm by showing appreciation & encouragement.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want
- The only way to influence people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it—->remember this, folks!
- Always think in terms of other people’s point of view—–>this is fundamental.
Part Two: 6 Ways to Make People Like You
- Become genuinely interested in other people
- When was the last time you gained friends by trying to impress someone? Probably hasn’t happened. This is because expressing interest in others in a genuine way, usually attracts people to you. Ask them questions, get to know them better, instead of talking about your own successes and accomplishments.
- A simple way to make a good first impression-smile!
- This is self-explanatory I believe.
- A person’s name is to that person the most important sound in any language
- How many of us are guilty for forgetting someone’s name as soon as we meet them? Or even worse, not knowing their name at all as we didn’t even think to ask? I think most of us are guilty. But putting in the extra effort to repeat that’s person’s name, even just a couple times during a conversation, can make them feel just a little bit more important.
- Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves
- This point goes hand in hand with the first one. In order to have an effective conversation, you have to be a good listener. Express interest in others and be attentive to their responses. A good quote I read recently sums this up pretty well, “If you are talking, you aren’t learning.”
- Talk in terms of the other persons interests
- If you know what someone is interested in, their hobbies, or passion, why not bring it up? In this case, it makes you look like you care about what they like, which you might genuinely if you find yourself talking to that person in the first place.
- Make the other person feel important…and do it sincerely
- You can do this by using point #2-remember their name. It seems like a small gesture to call someone by their name, but it goes a long way.
- The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature and the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
I could go on all day with the other two parts of this book, but I won’t go on spoiling the rest of the fun. As you can tell from the above, these principles apply to everyone and are so important for humans relations and effective communication. Many of them are so simple as to just smile, which ought to be common sense, but it’s nice to have the reminder from time to time.
I will certainly be re-reading this book as it’s one of those books where you are able to pick up more key information the second, or third, time around.
Have you read this book? What was your favorite parts? Let me know below.
Since this is an action book, I want to leave you with this quote…
“The great aim of education is not knowledge, but action.”- Dale Carnegie
All my love,